t-minus 5 days - time to freak out!

i'm nervous. i'm scared out of my mind. i'm anxious and am almost rethinking my decision to go. at the same time, i am convinced that this is where i am supposed to go and dedicated to the decision i have made. i keep saying, "i can do this, i can do this," but really, i know i can't. i have to remind myself that i am not able and will not be able to do this - not by myself anyway. each and every day, i will rely on His grace to carry me through. for far too long, i have relied on my own ability to make it through the day. i know that this mentality will not help me grow... or survive for that matter. and the great part about His mercies is that they are new each and every day. i will be able to experience the greatness of those mercies every day for the next three and a half months - and each day will be different and fabulous in their own day - an adventure in and of themselves. 

i have a lot to do in the next 4-5 days. i'm trying not to freak out. i remind myself of my life mantra: one day at a time. that's how i've remained relatively sane up to this point in my life. i'll be spending the next 4 months with a new family and new friends. i'll be going to places, meeting people, and facing challenges i never even knew about - and that is scary. but i cannot deny my desire to explore and grow and know my own strength. for far too long, i have viewed myself as dependent upon others - and that's great - but for the past few months, i have been discovering my own independence. and what better way to further discover what i can do than throw myself into the middle of another culture and language? why not take a gigantic leap of faith trusting that it'll be worth all of the doubt, hesitation, and anxiety? 

5 days 'til the adventure begins. and the best part is - i am not alone, nor will i ever be.