reflection.

I was looking back at the journal that I had in Peru, and I came across an entry that I forgot I had written. I had written it a few days after I had returned. I find it interesting now, looking back at it and seeing where I am now...

2/24/09 - 3:50pm

"And the call of the roads is upon me, a desire in my spirit has grown..."

Since Peru, I have had such a deep, penetrating desire to explore and be a part of something bigger, something beyond these American borders. American life has given me my life - undoubtedly. I have so many opportunities here, far more than I could ever imagine for a girl my age, but even in high school, I could never imagine myself having a 9-5 office job. I cannot settle for comfortable.

For whatever reason, I want to be in the thick of it, in the fray - I want to live my life to the fullest, to experience the abundant life that Christ came to give. I cannot live this ordinary life - I do not want it.

The Peruvians live such simple lives - I want to live simply - to live in a world but not be of the world... I do not know what I would do or where I would go, but I want to be bilingual and use whatever skills that I do have to advance the Kingdom. Whether that means I become a missionary or whatnot, I do not know, but I do know that, at this present moment, I would very much like to return to Tarma, maybe Lima... but I lost my heart back there and I want to go back.

From being in Peru, I realized how much I missed speaking and learning Spanish. I want to re-learn the language and speak it well. My new desire, as of late, is to study abroad, not in Oxford (though, that would be amazing) but in Costa Rica. Right now, Latin America has my heart.

Writing and rereading that short entry almost gives me chills. It is amazing the path that God has put me on. For as long as I could remember, prior to my junior year, I was dead-set on studying abroad in Oxford, England. My heart nearly skips a beat at the thought of being/going to England, ESPECIALLY Oxford because that is where C.S. Lewis taught, studied, and lived (for a majority of his life). If you ask me why I am studying English Literature, I will tell you it is because of Lewis' works and his example that I am an English major (and I have an immense passion for words, stories, and the power of language). And yet, here I am in Costa Rica, speaking and studying Spanish. I am not able to articulate myself and I cannot use big words when conversing, and yet, I am okay with it. I am here exploring the possibility... the possibility that maybe, just maybe... I am meant to be here.

God does crazy things. I thought that, right now, I'd be in Oxford having a jolly old time. There is still a desire in my heart to go there... but the pull to come here was a bit stronger, a bit more risky. This is the most definitive time of my life thus far. I ask for prayer as I discover a bit more about God's will for my life...

http://www.vimeo.com/4411895 (a reflective piece about our visit to Tarmatambo in Peru way back in February)...